My Story

Your Story: Critical Events in Your Life

Think back over your personal history and identify the four or five most important events or episodes in your life, the moments that have defined who you are today.  Tell the story of these events, in chronological order, and for each one, briefly describe the impact the event had on your values and on your direction in life.

I was never an exceptional student in elementary school.  I always forgot my homework, missed silly questions on tests, and definitely wasn’t on the teacher’s most liked list.  Unlike most Chinese parents, my mom and dad never pushed me to be at the top of my class.  They encouraged me to learn by various means, but allowed me to do so at my own pace.  By the time I got to sixth grade, it was already settled that my family would immigrate to the U.S.  As my fellow classmates spent all their nights and weekends preparing for the junior high school entrance exam, I was pretty much the only one with absolutely no pressure to do well.  So when the scores came out and I came out with the second highest score and a spot at the most prestigious junior high school in my city, everyone was shocked, including myself.  As I saw people around me thrilled by my one time lucky success, I suddenly felt the pressure to try harder, to keep proving myself, so people will continue to be proud of me.
The Lessons: Accomplishments make people I love happy.  It’s worth it to work hard towards those accomplishments.

When I came to the U.S., with no English and an awful sense of fashion, I felt completely out of place.  As I saw my parents struggle to survive, knowing that they moved to this strange land only to provide me with better opportunities, the obligation to do well deepened.  I had a world geography class where all the students were immigrants.  One day we were asked to make a map collage of our home country, and as I was the only person from mainland China, I was put into the same group as Taiwanese students, who proceeded to make a map of Taiwan.  Honestly, I don’t really care much for the whole politics of it all, I just didn’t want to be by myself.  When I went home and told the story, my mom helped me make another collage in the shape of China.  The next day when I went back and presented the new collage, I didn’t necessarily feel any sense of national pride, just that I was singled out and alone, and I didn’t like that.  Throughout junior high and high school, my only goals were to study hard so my parents’ efforts were not in vain, and make sure I fit in somewhere, anywhere.
The Lessons: It’s important to be accepted in society.  Life is hard, everyone has their responsibilities to fill.

College was not that great of an experience for me.  Mostly because I didn’t try to make it so.  During my junior year, when I was 19 and about to finish my first degree, I realized I still had no idea what to do with my life.  I scrambled to start another degree, a more practical one that may lead to an actual job, so I can stay in school a year longer.  Even so, job hunting was a horrible ordeal, since after years of having a goal set for you (graduating from college was not just an option, it was the only option), I all of the sudden can make my own decisions.  I ended up going to Japan to teach English.  A decision that was not very informed, somewhat on impulse, but perhaps the greatest one I ever made.  The experience opened my eyes to new places, people with completely different life stories, allowed me to find new hobbies, and most importantly taught me a lot about myself.
The Lessons: Spending time traveling can give you the most amazing views of the world and yourself.  Having your own identity, your own stories, thoughts, personality is very important.

One of my good friends died while I was in Japan.  He was 22, tall with ash blond hair, clear blue eyes, and always a smile on his face.  When we were in training together the first week after arriving in Japan, the two of us would go running in the wee hours of the morning because of the terrible case of jet lag.  A week before he died, he was telling me his plans of returning to the states and starting a business with his friend.  Come visit me when you get back, he said.  Two weeks later I got the call from our trainer, he was walking across the street after a farewell party, when the drunk driver came charging through.  After his death I spent days and months thinking about life.  How ephemeral and unexpectedly cruel it can be.  The Chinese in me will always want to save for a rainy day and plan for the perfect future, but every time I start thinking about consequences of certain actions, I think about Jeff, and I ask myself “would I regret not doing this if I were to die tomorrow?”
The Lessons: If you live life only for the future, you miss the present.  Make sure you appreciate the things you have now, the people who care about you now, the moments passing you by now.

After grad school, I started working at a respectable company in a position that some thought was quite interesting.  After a year and half, I was incredibly unhappy.  I felt unappreciated, I didn’t like the tasks I performed, I was intimidated by my boss, and I didn’t see an out.  Unfortunately I didn’t know what else I could do or wanted to do either, so I let the days drag on without a plan for the future.  Then by chance I ended up working on a new project in California, which I was really only excited about at first because I thought it could save my relationship.  That didn’t happen, but it saved me from a complete breakdown that might have happened otherwise.  I worked with a team that loved me, my boss appreciated my work and showed it, my teammates cared for me and became my good friends, and I looked forward to going to work every week.  The 15 months I spent on that project became a turning point in my career, and my life, really.  I became more motivated, more confident, more open.  I built relationships that I think will last long after I leave this company.  I was able to leverage my experience to transfer to a group I like, and move to a city I love.
The Lessons: With the amount of time we spend at work, we should be able to love what we do and who we work with (or at least like!).  It’s important to build networks of people who can coach you and be your champion.  Don’t sell yourself short, everyone can be confident and lead.